One of the unexpected delights of blogging is the realisation that what you took be mildly embarrassing personal quirks or obsessions are actually shared by others, even if only a few. Until now I’ve never shared my frustrations at the linguistic shortcomings of the railway staff I encounter most days but Tom Freeman posts today on his delight at the grammatical accuracy of his train driver. I feel liberated…!
Other than the phrase Tom refers to the other one that really irritates me is – “We are now approaching Glasgow Queen Street – this train terminates here”. Experience alone prevents me from flying into wild panic at the thought of the train suddenly ‘terminating’ – self-destructing a la ‘Mission Impossible’ with barely more than that 5 second warning. Will they slow down and open the doors first? Will I have an opportunity to collect my belongings jump clear? Will there be collateral damage in the station? Surely it’s the ‘service’ that terminates at the station – not the train. The other irritating phrase (which may be one peculiar to Scotland) is to announce “the next station stop is…” – why are ‘station’ and ‘stop’ needed? Granted the train may pass stations it doesn’t stop at but that’s usually at c.80mph (unless Tom Freeman’s on board) and so it hardly seems necessary to tell the passengers. Alternatively the train may stop but not at a station (e.g. signal) but again why bother the passengers with this detail if it’s only transitory…?
Here’s another – when I started travelling by rail almost 20 years ago the security announcement was basically thus – “passengers are reminded to stay with their luggage at all time – unattended items will be removed by British Transport police and will be destroyed.” Fair enough – and given events over the last few years you’d have expected that message, if anything, to get sterner. But no – it seems to be getting milder and less confrontational every few years. First it changed to – “items will be removed by British Transport police and may be destroyed.” – introducing conditional destruction where beforehand it was automatic. Then it simply became “items will be removed by British Transport police” – no mention of destruction at all, this time leaving you completely in the dark as to exactly what sort of treatment your missing luggage can expect. Since it appears to be getting milder each time it may simply be that the British Transport police now just worry your luggage a little, as a dog might some sheep, or perhaps tease it gently about its background or undermine its self-confidence a bit, I’ve no idea. At this rate however unattended luggage will end being whisked off to some luxury resort and probably enjoying a considerably better time than had it never been parted from its owner in the first place.
Under these circumstances then the smart thing to do is stow away in your own luggage and see how things pan out – and pray that the British Transport Police haven’t decided to reinstate the ‘immediate destruction’ guidelines.
Perhaps I should’ve posted on Rowan Williams instead…?
Other than the phrase Tom refers to the other one that really irritates me is – “We are now approaching Glasgow Queen Street – this train terminates here”. Experience alone prevents me from flying into wild panic at the thought of the train suddenly ‘terminating’ – self-destructing a la ‘Mission Impossible’ with barely more than that 5 second warning. Will they slow down and open the doors first? Will I have an opportunity to collect my belongings jump clear? Will there be collateral damage in the station? Surely it’s the ‘service’ that terminates at the station – not the train. The other irritating phrase (which may be one peculiar to Scotland) is to announce “the next station stop is…” – why are ‘station’ and ‘stop’ needed? Granted the train may pass stations it doesn’t stop at but that’s usually at c.80mph (unless Tom Freeman’s on board) and so it hardly seems necessary to tell the passengers. Alternatively the train may stop but not at a station (e.g. signal) but again why bother the passengers with this detail if it’s only transitory…?
Here’s another – when I started travelling by rail almost 20 years ago the security announcement was basically thus – “passengers are reminded to stay with their luggage at all time – unattended items will be removed by British Transport police and will be destroyed.” Fair enough – and given events over the last few years you’d have expected that message, if anything, to get sterner. But no – it seems to be getting milder and less confrontational every few years. First it changed to – “items will be removed by British Transport police and may be destroyed.” – introducing conditional destruction where beforehand it was automatic. Then it simply became “items will be removed by British Transport police” – no mention of destruction at all, this time leaving you completely in the dark as to exactly what sort of treatment your missing luggage can expect. Since it appears to be getting milder each time it may simply be that the British Transport police now just worry your luggage a little, as a dog might some sheep, or perhaps tease it gently about its background or undermine its self-confidence a bit, I’ve no idea. At this rate however unattended luggage will end being whisked off to some luxury resort and probably enjoying a considerably better time than had it never been parted from its owner in the first place.
Under these circumstances then the smart thing to do is stow away in your own luggage and see how things pan out – and pray that the British Transport Police haven’t decided to reinstate the ‘immediate destruction’ guidelines.
Perhaps I should’ve posted on Rowan Williams instead…?
1 Comments:
"This service will terminate in the Capital" - the capital, now let me see; Oh yes, I remember - LONDON! Idiots.
And why the strange reluctance to mention anything so physical as a TRAIN? It is usually a "service". I did ask about "station stop" and was told, well we don't necessarily "stop" at a "station", so if a "service" slows down, perhaps even to point of apparently "stopping" at a station and some one mistakenly gets out, there might be legal implications.
With what pleasure my heart filled recently when the announcement was that "this train will be CALLING at x and y and all STATIONS to z."
Keep up the good work.
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