I have decided to stop blogging and this will be the last post on Cassilis.
This hasn't been an easy decision and it's something I've been thinking about for six weeks or so now since I took stock of how the blog was doing and decided, at that point at least, to downsize a little. Over the last 10 days or so I've become particularly disaffected and have finally decided to wrap things up. Conscious that there are few things more boring and self-indulgent than a bloggers valedictory post I'd love to be able to leave it there - but since when has any blogger eschewed self-indulgence? What follows is a painfully honest and no doubt embarrassing look at why I started this and why I'm moving on...
I started blogging because I loved political writing. I wanted to be able to craft a sentence like Orwell or Hitchens, Chomsky or Hennessy. It seems embarrassingly naive to look back on it now but the gulf between my aspirations and my ability appeared to dissolve when I realised how easy it was to get a blog online. In truth, of course, that gulf remains as wide as ever and if I've learned anything from those writing heroes it's that the one thing you must never, ever lose sight of is truth. Looking back over what I've written is a depressing experience - there's a few half decent posts and I know I can pull a half-decent paragraph or two together but by the standards I set myself (however ludicrously high they may have been) I haven't succeeded.
What's more the medium itself isn't what I envisaged it to be - the hype surrounding blogs is all about an alternative media, the democratisation of journalism and the 'voice' of the ordinary people. But bloggers aren't ordinary people - most of them, like me, are political nerds or obsessives who get off on the idea of interacting with like-minded people. Looking back over the six months or so I've been doing this the posts that have generated the most comments are those that deal directly with blogging itself (or comments from mainstream pundits on blogging). I've already acknowledged that my writing isn't a fraction of what I wanted it to be but there's no reason to think it's any better or worse when I write about blogging. So the fact that the topic that generates most interaction is blogging itself tells you something about the medium - most of us read blogs to see if anyone has read our blogs, given us a link or has any interesting widget in their sidebar that we could pinch. Comments are used rarely to advance genuine debate or discussion - simply to say ' hey, here's what I think and I have a blog too'. It's all about the traffic no matter what anyone tells you. In the recent BBC4 Storyville look at American blogging there's a clip of Daily Kos founder Markos Moulitsas addressing a liberal bloggers conference - Christopher Hitchens (who presumably attended the event or at least saw the speech) then remarks how incredibly self-satisfied Markos was but how he didn't say 'a single thing an intelligent person would think - 'oh, I must remember that later'. This isn't an easy sentence to write and I do so with the greatest of respect to the online acquaintances I've made over the last six months but that's exactly how I feel after six months of reading blogs every day (and I include my own content). Blogs aside the internet is a huge and valuable resource - if every hour I've spent hunched over the keyboard churning out some ill-informed had been spent reading up on something my opinions would be far more rounded (if less public).
So I've had enough. I managed to top c.50 readers a day, get a couple of mentions on the C4 Newsroom blog, one in the Guardian and an invite, presumably now withdrawn, to join Iain Dale on 18 Doughty Street for Bloggers TV. At one point I got inside the 100,000 mark in the Technorati ratings. I'm pleased at what I achieved, however naff. I'd still love to be able to write like Orwell or Hitchens but my efforts to do so will be a little less public (and no more successful) from now on. I have other interests too and they have suffered since I set up this blog - I'd love to play guitar like Joe Pass or Django Reinhart, write a novel like Iris Murdoch or Anthony Burgess, wield a paint brush like Caravaggio or Van Gogh. At 35 I've finally learned to accept that these dreams will probably remain just that but I'll be a happier man if I keep my interests varied rather than obsessing about blog traffic. Cassilis will be archived in the next week or so and I'll keep the site going in case I want to use it for something else ('Cassilis on Jazz Guitar' coming soon!). Thanks to everyone who has visited and commented and in particular the few 'friends' who I've exchanged emails with etc. - you know who you are.
To Nicola and Joseph, I'm back and I'm sorry my head's been up my a*** with this for the last six months - unlike all that other nonsense above, being a decent husband and dad is something I might actually be able to achieve.
"Well, allow me to introduce myself to you as an advocate of Ornamental Knowledge. You like the mind to be a neat machine, equipped to work efficiently, if narrowly, and with no extra bits or useless parts. I like the mind to be a dustbin of scraps of brilliant fabric, odd gems, worthless but fascinating curiosities, tinsel, quaint bits of carving, and a reasonable amount of healthy dirt. Shake the machine and it goes out of order; shake the dustbin and it adjusts itself beautifully to its new position." Robertson Davies, Tempest-TostGoodbye...
18 Comments:
Well, Cassilis, readers of your blog will know that your resignation has been coming. I hope you stay interested in politics and keep believing you can make a difference. I know that you have some excellent posts in your archives. Maybe a link or two to your favourites in this leaving post would not be too self-indulgent. Best wishes. PT
Methinks you are being a trifle hard on yourself. Your writing was/is better than 99pc of the stuff you read on political blogs and I am sorry to see you go. Best of luck.
I must say, it is very disappointing to lose you Cassilis. However in hindsight I seen you drastically reduce your online presence.
Whatever you may think, I thought your posts to be more than well informed and very well written.
All the best in the future and if the SNP do end up wrecking the Union remember England is just down the M74 or A75. ;-)
We started off badly (almost entirely down to me) but got to the point where we could at least be civil, try to be intelligent and found some common ground (I admit it was blues music rather than politics but common ground nevertheless).
We are clearly two completely different animals - I use my blog essentially as a way of self catharsis, I need to get it out there, get rid of it, and move on to the next trauma. You strive to say things in a much more detailed and profound way.
Like others I think you are too hard on yourself whilst I have rarely agreed with your content I always admired your style. I'll miss the sparring - good luck in whatever you do in the future.
Shame that you are leaving the Casillis blogging world. Like the others I do think that your posts were more thought out than many others on the web. I'm quite sure you will probably pop into the blog world now and again! There's always Scottish Political News for you to contribute to ;-)
arra best
You're not going to like this, Cassilis, dear sir but you have to understand that it never comes easily. If your work is quality, which yours is, then 50 visitors is a reasonable number at first. You're still new at this.
It takes hard work as well as inspiration and as Paul said above - you're being a trifle hard on yourself. And if you analyse those 50 visitors, then you'll see the likes of Linford and Appleyard amongst them. Now these are no lightweights and they're influential.
I would strongly advise you to reconsider and give yourself time. Eventually, the traffic and the links will come.
Genuinely sorry to see you go. You've educated me.
thats not difficult
Well, I'm very sorry that you made this decision. I certainly hope it's not final. It never was for me the twenty times I decided to retire from blogging. :)
First off, accept who you are.
Second off, ignore the hype.
Third, the difference between the amateur and the professional is that the professional never gives up.
Dang! And I've just discovered your blog. You might find, once the election hots up, that you regain your inspiration and enthusiasm. A holiday is sometimes not a bad thing. To get into the top 100,000 is a great achievement, given that there are currently approximately 55 million. That puts you in the top 0.2% of all blogs. Congratulations.
I hope you find another avenue for your writing talents. Your material is always lucid and well argued.
I'm very impressed by your lucidity. It is something that will no doubt stand you in good stead, as you go on to more worthwhile endeavours.
If you want to remind yourself of the truth of what you say, have a look at the Tribune page re Ruth T and deselection - link from Ian Dale.
I've enjoyed your blog and will check you out for a while yet..
Of couse Jemermy it is better to kwow that you can stil learn than to think you know it all.
Andreas Oberg will put a smile on your face with this rendition of sweet georgia brown »
I'm also very sorry to see you go, I've come to you lately, but have been consistently impressed by what you post. Being able to craft a sentence like Cassilis is no small achievement, you know.
Try this one then. He's good but his solo Nuages is nothing out of the ordinary and certainly achievable by mere mortals.
Dario Pinelli solo: Nuages »
Are you back? What's happening? I saw your avatar.
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